Super Sammy

Well, it’s been quite some time since out last post. We made it through the holidays after sending Sam to the bridge the day before Thanksgiving. It wasn’t a great holiday season but we made the most of it. Once January kicked in, all heck broke loose at work and I’ve been jammed up awful for the last several months – it’s been brutal. All the while, we’ve been missing Sam. Macklin had a tough go – he had separation anxiety something fierce. He had never been alone in the house before. Mondays were the worst….after having a few days home with us over the weekends, he was so anxious on Mondays. So we put him in daycare…what a blessing. JB drops me and Macklin off in downtown Boston in front of my office on Monday mornings – and a school bus picks him up for the day! Yup – a bus! Macklin doesn’t like to be in a crate in the back so with my permission, he hops right up front with the driver and heads off to the amazing Red Dog Pet Resort and Spa! That’s the same place that Sam used to go for hydro-massage. Macklin loves it! He plays all day and then sleeps for 2 days – it wears him out. They even have a Berner play group…he loves Yukon and Wally and all the other dogs! The amazing people there even sponsored a trophy at the next Berner Specialties in Sam’s name – what an honor!
And the hole in our hearts if starting to heal so ….we have added a new monkey butt to our family….meet Archie! We got him home on Sunday and he turned 8 weeks old yesterday. He’s already 17 pounds…going to be a big boy. Macklin is tolerating him well. Archie is very self assured but seems to be taking direction well….but he is full of it too! We’re tired, but thrilled! We’re so please with our new breeder and we can’t wait to watch Archie grow!

My heart is breaking as I write to share that we set Sam free at the Rainbow Bridge this afternoon.  It’s been a difficult 24 hours to say the least, but he is now running free with all our tripawd friends.  Bear with me as I fear my computer may crash from all my tears falling!

Sam’s energy turned real low the past few days, but he was still doing ok.  Yesterday morning, he got up and ate all his food and had a trip in the yard and JB and I headed off to work.  About noon time, Rich, our dog walker (and darling friend) sent a note that Sammy was not good.  For the first time ever, he didn’t get up when Rich came to the door and his eyes were not focused.  His eyes were rolling to the back of his head and he was struggling to breathe.  JB came home from work immediately and spent the day with him.  He had moments of clarity but was mostly in a fog.  JB spoke with Dr. Cronin and she explained Sammy had turned the corner from living to existing.  She said it would only get worse.  

When I got home from work, he had a little energy – his tail was wagging like crazy but his eyes were vacant.  They were red and sunken.  I had had a talk with him over the weekend and told him he needed to let us know when he was done fighting – and he was letting me know.  JB shared his conversation with Dr. Cronin with me and I said, “tomorrow?” and he said, “yes”.

So the boys had a steak dinner and we just enjoyed our last night.  As you can imagine, lots of snuggling.  I slept on the floor, but Sammy roamed most of the night – although he always came back to lay by my side. 

He was pretty clear this morning but within an hour he was back to the same.  We decided that brave warriors were meant to live, not just exist.  So we made the appointment to give Sammy the best gift we could ever give – to set him free.  He fought such a brave fight – we wanted to end his life with dignity before he started suffering.  His diagnosis was 9 months ago – that’s a long fight.  

Dr. Cronin was not in today so we met with Dr. Rosen – she was simply wonderful.  She was worried a bit that his eye issue could be neurological – it made us even more confident we were doing the right thing, as hard as it was.  When Sammy received the sedative, he became so calm.  We had become so accustom to the heavy breathing the calm took us a little by surprise.  We cried – a lot – but they were good tears.  As typical, he even gave a few tail wags.  We had some good last words, last ear scratches and last hugs before we said good bye.  Our hearts are broken but we know the edges will become less sharp over time.

So, to the boy with a heart of a lion, run free Sammy, run free!  We’ll see you another day good boy!

We had some unseasonably warm weather this past weekend – which meant a trip to the beach! And we didn’t just hit one beach – we hit 2 beaches. We went to Sammy’s swimming beach first – he doesn’t need to go far in the water for it to drop off so he can swim – and he doesn’t need to jump any of those pesky waves while he’s trying to get in the water. The down side is that it is rocky so he can’t really do any digging. So after he had a nice swim, he seemed to have good energy so we hit beach number 2! Why not….it’s November and we likely will not have beach days left. So Sammy was able to dig and just chill on the cold sand. He was really happy.  Every time he started to dig a new hole in the sand, Macklin tried to join him and Sammy was having no part of it.  He just was not up to sharing his freshly dug holes on this trip.  So finally, Sammy plopped himself on top of his hole and guarded against Macklin’s attempts to help! 

When we got home, both boys got a bath! Always tons of fun!

So Sammy is still hangin’ in there. He’s definitely slowing down, but he still has a will to live. I’m able to gauge how much energy he has each morning by how fast he runs from me when I try to give him cough suppressant! Our 3-legged dog still has some giddy up when he’s avoiding it! A few days ago, he ran through the kitchen, down the hall, through the foyer, across the porch and down the stairs to the yard! He gets lots of treats and belly rubs as a thank you once he gives up and let’s me give it to him. My stubborn boy!

Hope everyone had a great weekend. Sammy had a hydro massage with Alex on Saturday – as always, he was in heaven. It’s just so amazing to see how relaxed he is when he gets in the pool. Macklin continues to just prefer to run around the pool like a maniac which is fine with us….we let Sammy get all the attention. He’s pretty beat by the end of his appointment but it’s always a good tired…he’s just happy. Alex made a really cool video of Sammy and has it posted on the Red Dog facebook page – it’s really neat. We had so much fun.

Nando and Josie came to Sam’s appointment to watch him swim. After the appointment, they climbed in to the back of the truck to try to sneak home with Sammy and Macklin! The dogs did a good job trying to hide them, but it didn’t work!

Saturday was a fun night for Sam because all his grandparents came to visit – we had both my parents and JB’s parents for dinner! That’s a lot of extra hands for ear scratches!

Sammy’s cough is definitely getting worse. Yesterday was the first day that it was fairly persistent. He doesn’t seem to be in any distress at all – he is still eating well and has good energy but the cough is starting to take a toll. He coughed a fair amount of blood yesterday and had a few episodes of coughing fits during the night and again this morning. I was hoping it was just a bad day yesterday but after this morning, doesn’t look like it’s settling down at all. I’ve called Dr. Cronin this morning and will start him on a cough suppressant. We just want to keep him comfortable. Sigh.

Here’s a picture of Macklin trying to “comfort” Sammy – ha! He is definitely a dog that has no concept of his size. He saw a 2 inch opening on the couch and definitely believed he could scoot his butt right in there – then he just chilled pretending to be comfortable! I love the dangling legs and the “this is how I want to be sitting” look on his face! Macklin turned 4 on 11/11 – happy birthday Mack Attack!

Well, today is Sam’s 8 month ampuversary. Hard to believe our tripaw journey started way back on March 8th. At times if feels like yesterday and at other times it feels like years. I read back at our post from the day we dropped him off 8 months ago – it was so bitter sweet. It was such an anxiety filled morning dropping him at the hospital and Macklin off to my in-laws. I remember when Dr. Pastor called to let me know she took an extra set of x-rays because she still couldn’t believe he was presenting with no symptoms and she wanted to double check – it was a good feeling because it made me sure she was the right person to be taking care of Sammy.

When his lung mets hit so ferociously we thought there was no way we would get to 8 months…well here we are! Super Sammy makes his own rules and sets his own schedule! Ha – I never thought I would embrace his stubbornness like I do now!

Thanks to all our friends and supporters on this site for supporting us through these last 8 months – we certainly could not have maintained our sanity without you (no really, I have maintained it!) We love you all!

We had a really nice weekend. Just lots of chill time for the most part. The weather was beautiful and Sam spent most of the days just basking in the sun. It was great to watch him just enjoy the sun and the fresh air. We had a quick trip to the store to pick up some food for him….he LOVES the Red Dog. He definitely wanted to go in the pool, but Alex had the day off so we needed to schedule a swim for next weekend instead. We ran in to some friends at the store and Sam just soaked up all the ear scratches from Grace! I think Sam wanted to take her home with him – she said her mom wouldn’t like that though! My favorite part was when one little girl said, “He’s a happy dog, I think he’s smiling at me!” Ya, he is a happy dog!

 
Yesterday the boys had a special treat – they got to visit with some of their favorite kids, Cassidee, Greyson and Allyssa. Greyson had a football game so we got to go watch. Sam and Macklin don’t quite get the cheering thing….so when people start cheering and clapping, they just start barking. It was a little funny because it sounded like they are cheering for the team! Sam’s energy was fantastic…made us look a little silly when we told people he was sick. He ran around the track at the field like he was a puppy. After the game we went back to their house for dinner…it was a nice, relaxing day and really good to spend some time together. The boys were exhausted when they got home and completely crashed when we got in the door. Sam definitely requires more down time these days…it just takes him longer to get his energy back after having a busy day. That’s ok though….just fine by us!

We had an oncology appointment yesterday – for the first time in 8 months I wasn’t even anxious – no more  bad news left to receive.  I love our oncology office – Emily, the tech was so caring and concerned with how Sam was doing.  And we simply love Dr. Cronin – she is so wonderful – she has the greatest approach.  She decided against x-rays – she said she’s taking all cues from Sam at this point and it doesn’t matter so much what the x-rays say.  It made me smile as we both know the x-rays would be ugly at this point.  She basically just shrugged her shoulders and shook her head and we laughed a bit.  We both know given Sam’s met situation, he should’t be with us.  We had a little trip down memory lane with his medical charts and laughed at just how amazing he is.  It was actually a good appointment – I left proud – Sammy has just been such a warrior.  He is such an example of living with cancer and he’s taught us to let him take the lead and he’ll let all of us know when he’s done fighting – not the other way around.

Sam is doing well although Thursday night was his first bad night we’ve had.  He could not get comfortable and was whimpering a bit.  JB stayed up most of the night with him – he couldn’t breath well when he was on his side. He was good yesterday and fine today.  Dr. Cronin said it was
probably just a bad night.

So we’ll continue what we’re doing – and that’s having fun and loving all our days. He’s basking in the sun as I write…going to be a good day,

I’m constantly asked how JB and I stay so positive. As you all know, from the outside, it all looks easy – we all just have these rosy outlooks and we just seem to handle what comes our way. And while all that is true, what WE all know is that we definitely have our moments of fear, heart aches, second guessing, the blues and pure panic as to whether or not we’re doing the right thing. We don’t have answers, we just do what we think is right and do our best. And we look to each other for support because we all “get it”.

Anyway, so in addition to venting my fears etc. on this site, I have another secret weapon – Sammy and I have a theme song. Ok, I know this sounds corny – real corny, but it’s what I need some days…I’m not ashamed. When I have the blues and need a pick me up – I just step away, throw on my head phones and play our song as loud as I can. Sometimes I even play it 3-4 times. I often play it on my commute home so I charge in our front door ready for whatever is ahead of me. It gets my head in the game and makes me feel strong – whatever it takes, right!

So I’m offering up our fight song! Yup – going to share my cheesy secret to make you all laugh! But before you laugh…download it….play it…loud….and then tell me you don’t feel energized and ready to fight this crappy cancer thing! Ha! Here you go….

The Judds – I Will Stand By You.

Does anyone else have a theme song for you and your tripaw?

Ha…I’m giggling at all of you playing the song at the same time…we will rise above and fight!

Sammy Boy is still trying to catch up on sleep from his weekend away! The nasty lung mets can really wear a boy out. He’s doing well so far this week. Breathing and cough are the same…no changes. He’s eating so well. I know part of it is from the Prednisone, but his appetite was great before we started him on that. We’re just happy because it keeps his energy up…well aside from this picture. We have an oncologist appointment on Friday to check in. We’re on the fence about whether or not to have x-rays done. The results just really don’t matter at this point. That being said, I guess would be good to know what the mets are doing…aside from having a party…grrrr. We’ll see. Just thought you all may laugh at Sammy crashing in his pile of toys! xo

We had such a brilliant weekend. It was a much needed re-charge for us and we were all treated like royalty. The team at Inn By the Sea could not have possibly made our stay any better. We love it there.

We had the most perfect room – with a private entrance right outside so we could take Sam out easily. The Prednisone makes him pee a real lot so having easy access was ideal. The only down side – every time Sam went out to pee, he immediately started pulling to the main lobby. And if I didn’t let him head in that direction, he plopped himself on the ground and refused to move! I’m not kidding – that’s the only place he wanted to be. It speaks volume as to how happy he is there. He just wanted to spend his time in the lounge with all his friends. He would look up at other guests walking in the front doors with a look of, “why are you in my living room?” or “come have a seat in my living room!”

They boys know exactly who is who – they know who gives treats from the desk (Mark) and who brings out the dinner (Michael) and who will sit on the floor and rub their ears (Eva) and who will come to the room to sit with them (Caroline) – and all the others that love them unconditionally. They adore each and every person there! They met some great new friends, Happy and Lincoln, and generally were their adorable selves – they made us proud.
They were thrilled to have dinner by the fire. Sam likes to alternate between the lounge and the cold tile of the lobby. We always pick a strategic seat so he can keep an eye over all areas.

We had a great trip to Portland on Saturday and met some friends for a drink. Some very kind people brought out a water bowl to share which I thought was funny when both boys practically jumped in. Also, it took me a moment when one of the guys said, “do your dogs like lobster?” and then I realized he was offering lobster cookies!

 We were lucky to get a bit of a snow storm on Saturday. Generally I don’t love the snow, but Sam does and we just were not sure he would get a last roll in the snow while he still can enjoy it. He loves making snow angels!

Sam is doing ok – his breathing is still gradually getting more labored and his coughing bouts a bit more frequent – morning is the toughest. He had a few coughs of blood this weekend. He’s still not in any distress and still has good energy and a good appetite. We’re just keeping him comfortable.
This weekend was all about creating more memories and spending good quality time with the boys away from our day-to-day. We wanted to unplug and get away from our daily distractions and really just chill. It was also about JB and I spending a special night out (thank you Mark for the dinner reservation!) so we could energize ourselves for whatever is next on our journey. We’re in a good place – we’re at peace and we’re calm and we’re ready for whatever Sammy needs. Thank you to all our wonderful friends at the Inn By the Sea for making this weekend so incredibly special.