What I Think about Lung Mets
I hate lung mets. I hate that we all know about lung mets. And I hate that lung mets send us into a panic. I found that the appeanrce of lung mets was even more devastating than the initial diagnosis of Sam’s osteosarcoma. While JB and I were overwhelmed at the initial diagnosis, we were devastated by the mets. I think it may be because when we first learn of the osteosarcoma we don’t even know what to do or think. We don’t know what it is and we don’t know about an entire community of dogs that have the same thing! We’re not smart on the subject and we’re able to balance our fears of amputation and the unknown with trying to learn more and be smart. And then we start our journey as a tripaw. By the time mets come around, we’re REALLY smart on the whole cancer thing. We’ve researched procedures, protocols, diets, supplements, gear – you name it – and we know all about cancer in our pups. We know the known and we know the unknown. And we especially know all about scary lung mets.
So when lung mets appear, boy does it punch you in the gut. It seems really unfair. Our prescious friends have been braver than we could ever have imagined. They remain stoic through amputation and rounds of chemo. Even when they are in pain, adapting to life on 3-legs and just don’t feel good, they are the coolest and most heroic creatures. We admire them. We’ve found oursleves on a journey we never wanted to be on and wouldn’t wish on anyone, but yet feel a little bit of joy in the special spirt we are able to witness. And during the up times, may even consider ourselves lucky. We all learn life lessons from these amazing dogs.
I thought I would be ok when Sam’s mets appeared. What I wasn’t ready for was to look at his x-rays side by side – one from six weeks prior and one from that day. I gasped and the only think I could think of was that he looked like a cheetah. His lungs were so spotted with mets it just didn’t make any sense that he had no symptoms yet was so sick. What JB and I realized – and I will confess, it took us about 48 hours to get out of the funk – was that Sam didn’t think he was sick. The x-rays told us differently, but our heroic boy still wanted to live. And after all he and been through, who were we to act as if this news put an end to that? He will let us know when he’s had enough.
While we understand there are no givens on the time we have left, with our oncologist, we figured Sam had about 8 weeks. The aggressiveness of the mets would just be too much. We put him on metronomics to see if it would slow things downs. And we started living day to day. We thought we had been doing that since his osteo diagnosis, but let me tell you, when you really feel the tunnel closing in, it takes on a new meaning. The ear rubs get even longer, the hugs even more frequent, the time sitting on the floor just playing even more enjoyable then you ever imagined. Sitting next to each other is the best feeling in the entire world and you are consumed with wanting to spend time together. I’ve discovered how much time in my life has been wasted wishing for the days to pass quickly – so the work day was over, so it could be the weekend, so it was vacation etc. – and for the first time in my life, I want the days to slow down. But the days have been good…real good.
Sam’s appointment last week showed the mets had slowed. He still has lots of them – 25+ at this point – but not multiplying at the prior pace. The 8 weeks is off the table – he’s back to being an unknown. He’s still fighting, showing no symptoms and loving his time with us. Sam gained 3 pounds when we weighed him at his last visit (he’s now at 106 lbs.) I got the biggest smile when our oncologist said, “well, sick dogs don’t gain weight”. That’s right – Sammy still doesn’t know he’s sick.
We are realistic – we do know he could start showing symptoms any day. I can’t worry about when that will be or I’ll miss out on today. I know that day is not today at this point so I’m going to love him like crazy.
That’s what I think about lung mets.
etgayle said,
September 1, 2011 @ 4:31 pm
so well said – we are (through this awful disease) all able to witness the the power of our pups’ spirits, their true love of life. hoping for many, many, many more ear rubs and medicinal naps. hugs to all.
charon & gayle
AbbysMom said,
September 1, 2011 @ 4:56 pm
Yes, indeed, so well said. I wish you all the best with Sam. We are trying to take a cue from you guys and your brave fight with Super Strong Sam. He’s a hero for sure.
Abby is the same – she does not know she is sick. She is blissful and unaware! It’s tough being blissful while you are AWARE, but we are trying. And, yes, we have more hugs, more time together, more belly rubs, more kisses and they are all super sweet!
Give Same some extra lovins, on top of the extras he’s already getting, from us,
Jackie, Abby’s mom
samsamsmom said,
September 1, 2011 @ 5:23 pm
Thanks so much Charon and Jackie. Not sure why I got the stream of consciousness..it’s just what was on my mind today. I love that Abby is blissful and unaware too. When our AWARE creeps in…we call it the Sammy Blues. Your’re right, it takes a great deal of effort to drop it when it creeps in but our pups need us to be optimistic. We figure reality will crack us in the head when it’s time so don’t bother worrying about it now. Sigh.
Thanks for all the great wishes!
Sue
Dakota Dawg said,
September 1, 2011 @ 5:32 pm
We humans absolutely hate the unknown. Well, we say we do. But when we find out what the “known” is, we often wish for a return to before when we didn’t.
Our dogs do live in the state of constant unknown. They aren’t programmed to ask when something will happen or why it will happen or what it might look like. They just sit at the bottom of the tree, staring at the squirrel above, no idea one whether or not the squirrel will fall into their laps or not. We should learn the same “in the moment” way of being, but we can’t. Silly, silly humans. We’re such slow learners.
Shari
maximutt said,
September 1, 2011 @ 6:50 pm
When we discovered Max’s lung mets were multiplying, we were very depressed. We tried one more aggresive chemo protocol, and when that didn’t work, there was almost a “calm” realization for us that we were pretty much out of options. It was time for Max to just be a dog; he was no longer a patient. Don’t waste time with your Sam being sad right now. There will be time for grieving later. For now, he’s a big happy boy who loves his pawrents (and apprently likes to eat!!). Take your cues from him, and live it up (and love it up) every single day. Give your handsome boy a belly rub for me!!
samsamsmom said,
September 24, 2011 @ 5:37 pm
I totally agree with the calm – it’s weird but you’re totally right! Thanks for the inspiration!
riosmom said,
September 1, 2011 @ 9:25 pm
I hate mets, too! Give Sammy lots of love from us.
Rio and Rio’s mom
jerry said,
September 4, 2011 @ 11:09 am
Well, as awful as cancer is, there are lessons like this that we carry on forever. It’s one way to turn hate into love…love for the now, love for each and every thing we can do to make this day great. We have the power.
Now you know, silly human.
Sending Sam and your family the best…
xoxo
Vanessa said,
September 10, 2011 @ 1:57 am
S-
Just catching up on my reading – and this post really struck a chord in me.
With you all in spirit – thinking of you all the time.
Please give some loving from me to your super Sam and to Mac.
xox
V.
samsamsmom said,
September 24, 2011 @ 5:35 pm
Just saw this v – thanks so much. You are such a huge support for us! We miss you!
charleysmom said,
September 22, 2011 @ 11:01 pm
I dread the day I hear that news. Every time Charley breathes different, snores, makes a different sound, pants too hard, etc. my mind races to the other 4 letter word we don’t ever want to hear…mets. I admire your strength and honesty in this post.
Sammy is definitely living with cancer and not dying from cancer and in the process he is teaching so many others (even those of us in cyber space) important lessons along the way….to live in the moment….go to the park, go swimming, go to restaurants, visit with family and friends, eat key lime pie and have some more ice cream. May you and Sammy have too many more memories to even count!
Hugs and chocolate kisses,
Ellen & Charley